My Inadvertent Tattoo

A few mornings ago, I had a nurse practitioner visit me at my home to complete a wellness exam. How nice, I thought, I don't even have to drive anywhere!

The exam was very lightweight. He asked me to remember three words (tree, ball, flag) and said that he'd ask me later to recall them. It seemed that I was really only answering a series of questions about my health and last exams (which I figured he already had seen). He took my blood pressure. That's good, there's an actual exam being performed. Then, he asked me to recite the three words, which was easy to remember since I was already imagining a flag flying from a tree and a ball resting at the trunk. I guess I don't have Alzheimer's.

Then, he opened his bag and pulled out a device that he hooked up to his laptop and put on each pointing finger, separately. Apparently, it checked my blood oxygen level and I was good. Next, he told me he would be checking for neuropathy. He pulled out another device from his bag, applied a clear plastic sticker and a little ointment to the pad. He asked me to find a chair, face away from him and put one knee up on the chair so my calf was exposed to him. I was thankful that my pant leg could be pulled up. Otherwise, was he expecting me to drop my drawers? He placed the wet pad on my calf and I felt an electric pulse down to my toes. I was fine, he told me. The exam was over and I passed; although, he told me he'd recommend some follow-up blood tests, immunization for Tetanus and Shingles, and a colonoscopy. Really, was all this necessary?

Later, that day, I visited our chiropractor to work on my back, hips and heel. I was really feeling out of kilter and couldn't sleep comfortably for days. Yes, she found that my hips were off-balance for which my back was trying to compensate. I could feel the blood flowing again. Then, she started working on my heel. She applied CBD oil to the heel and began rubbing it in and up towards my calf.

She stopped. "Do you have a tattoo?" she asked. "It appears to be rubbing off! What is it? It looks like English writing and Chinese characters on a vertical line but backwards!"

I realized, right then, that it was the writing on the neuropathy test device's pads! It had transferred onto my calf and the nurse practitioner didn't think to tell me that I'd have to wash it off! Little did I realize that it would be an all-day impression!

The lesson? Assume that anyone working on your body will not tell you that they have marked you. Your best bet is to shower after any exam.

Also, never get a tattoo on any portion of your body that you cannot see!